Dad: You're too smart to be a cashier forever — you should start thinking about your future.

Manager: I know you're already working overtime, but we need the project done even sooner than expected.

Aunt: You're so pretty - why do you always hide behind those glasses?

Friend: I'm just being honest because I care - you'll never get married unless you lower your standards.

Coworker: Your English is improving, but honestly, it's still really hard to understand you sometimes.

Neighbor: Is everything okay? Your yard looks more unkempt than usual.

Acquaintance: Most new moms struggle to balance work and family, but you seem totally fine with leaving your kids in daycare all day.

Thanks. How do you want to help?

Unsolicited criticism traps us in tricky situations.

Most people cast themselves as heroes: they see your struggle, they want to help, and they have a solution for you. Unfortunately, this usually foists the difficult work onto you.

Charitable interpretations strengthen relationships. Life is easiest when everybody everywhere is automatically your friend.

Assuming those best intentions, most suggestions stink because they're not actionable. They believe you lack awareness rather than resources.

Quickly and kindly correct the category error. Recognize their generous sympathy and ask for concrete support.

Don't try to prove a point. Passive-aggression (and active-aggression) will turn your eager allies into enemies. Clearly state facts; sincerely ask for help.

Uncle: With your brain, you could make so much more money if you just worked in finance instead of teaching.

You: I don't always feel so smart, but thanks for taking an interest in my career. I appreciate the candor. How do you want to help?

Grandma You'd be such a catch if you just lost a few pounds!

You: Yep, I often feel fat and unlovable. What kind of help are you offering?

Mom: You work so much! I'm worried about your health.

You: Yeah, it actually sucks sacrificing my youth for paltry wages. Thanks for recognizing that. I hate what my life has become and I dread the future. How would you like to help?