the best bad baby names

Hello, I'm Taylor Troesh, connoisseur of crap.

Naming things is already hard, and I'm here to make things harder:

• Aaaron: Your child could be an alphabetic god!
• Arlo: Sounds like a typeface.
• Ellamenope: "…E-F-G-LMNOP -- hey, I know that girl!"
• Grover: It's a cool name; don't shoot the messenger.
• Ivy Lee: She's going to Harvard!
• Lemony: It will always be an unfortunate event.
• assorted "M" names: Matilda, Miriam, Mildred, Melody, Mercury, Micah, Merlin
• Taylor Jr.: I wanted to name my daughter Taylor Jr. but I got vetoed by, uh, everybody.
• Vii: It's cool because it can be pronounced "vee", "vy", or "seven".
• Xi: Another pronouncable roman numeral -- "she" or "eleven".

Bonus names from Jacob Filipp:

• Guerlaine: "She's a girl and her name says it!". Sadly overruled by my wife.
• Kyle: Try saying it without sounding in pain.
• Assorted "Man" names for a girl: Amanda, Samantha, Armani, Manon.
• Rex is due for a revival. As a Canadian, I can only picture Rex looking like this.
• Rexanne. Only fair if Rex is back…
• "Job names": Fletcher, Carter, Mason, Cooper … Boniface, Avowry, Granger, Eggler, Lorimeri… Taylor (sorry!). A pejorative term coined by my mother who was a British Baronet in a past life.