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i pretended that i didn’t know any better

A long time ago, I dated somebody that regularly cheated on me. Everyone knew about it, including me, but we all pretended not to know.

Feigning ignorance is easy. I knew exactly how to treat my alcoholism, but lived like I was seeking forbidden knowledge. I knew I was holding my friends back, but acted like we were growing together. I willingly ignored my impending burnout, poor finances, and failing relationships.

I’ve learned to be more honest with myself and others, but it’s hard to shake the acting habit. I pretend that my success is guaranteed and I’ll travel the world one day. I pretend that time will heal all wounds. I pretend that death does not await me and my family.

Sorry, but I don’t have boilerplate advice for situations like this. Most people (myself included) refuse to change until all other options are exhausted. It’s hard to overcome fear and find truth.

Anyway, feel free to email me if you need a rubber duck.