# Do Metaprojects

Publish that novella, build an OS, converse in Mandarin, release an indie game,
publish that other novella, dominate a continent --

It's not enough to breathe -- my gluttonous heart wants to impose its
imagination on Earth and all its inhabitants.

I want freedom, money, affection, play, power, validation, fulfillment, etc.

Of course I already have these things, but enough never seems enough.

These desires manifest themselves as an endless backlog of ideas and projects.

My backlog grows; my lifespan dwindles. I feel powerless against this trickle of
time. When my optimism hits its limits, I mourn so many stillborn dreams --
breaking my back to bury impossible futures.

I want to want fewer futures, but I'm often too weak to put possibilities out of
their misery. I'm learning to let go, but maybe letting go takes a lifetime.

My brain came pre-installed with Human OS;
[loss aversion](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loss_aversion) will squander CPU
until I install security patches (e.g.
[Taoism](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taoism),
[Zen](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zen),
[stocism](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stoicism)).

But I think I'm allergic to enlightenment. Meditation is difficult, quiet is
boring, courage is scary, desire is addicting, etc.

"Dream themes" are my spiritual duct-tape. When desire outpaces optimism, I
distill my projects into metaprojects \[sic\].

[^note]: Most humans lack the resources to pursue
    [megaprojects](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Megaproject). Those who wage
    [one-man wars-of-attrition](/attrition) guarantee failure.

A metaproject is an itch which scratches many itches.

[^note]: **Example:** You've been wanting to take cooking classes, but you've
    also been wanting to join an improv group. If you don't have time/resources
    for both of these projects, you might choose a metaproject like "weekly
    dinner party with funny friends" -- it doesn't strictly meet the
    requirements from either project, but it might fulfill some deeper desire.

So many bites. Scratching harder, clawing at skin, fighting flesh -- loss is
inevitable under these conditions. Ignore that immediate irritation and erect a
mosquito net. If your net works, it'll crowd with friends, finally finding
relief from similar itches.

Metaprojects agglomerate. Your nets' threads tend to tangle together into an
anti-mosquito tapestry. In those chaotic quilting patterns, you develop
vocabulary to describe/distinguish distinct itches.

Your ultimate metaproject is precisely _you_ and inevitably whoever you choose
to become. It never feels that way. It feels like you're building an OS,
learning Mandarin, writing another novella -- no, no -- you're writing an
autobiography with blood.