# Alternatives to "sorry"

> I'm _literally_ dying 💀

In contemporary English, the world "literally" means both "literally" and
"figuratively". It's one of the few words that can be used (without irony) as
its original meaning and its opposite.

Likewise, "sorry" now conveys conflicting messages.
[Its etymology](https://www.etymonline.com/word/sorry) hints that "sore" (e.g.
"look at that sorry clown") merged with unrelated "sorrow" (e.g. "the clown is
sorry for the terrorist attack") and morphed into an apology (e.g. "I'm sorry
for the clown").

[^note]:
    Apparently, to be "sorry about" something was popularized by
    [Get Smart](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Get_Smart) (e.g.
    ["sorry about that, Chief"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jLKTq9NFiiY)).
    It's remarkable how unfunny the show is by today's standards.

Because "sorry" encompasses outer ("sore") pain and inner ("sorrow") pain, it's
a popular word to express sympathy/empathy. But "sorry" can also be an apology
-- _an expression of fault_.

The problem here is that "sorry" both conveys sympathy _without fault_ and
sympathy _with fault_, i.e. "I'm sorry your feelings were hurt" vs. "I'm sorry I
hurt your feelings".

[^note]:
    To make things more confusing,
    ["sorry-not-sorry"](https://englishstudyonline.org/sorry-not-sorry-meaning/)
    expresses unsympathy _with fault_.

I no longer trust this word, so here are some alternatives that I'm trying to
adopt:

- **that's unfortunate**: I am expressing sympathy for your pain
- **I feel you**: I am expressing empathy with your pain
- **whoops**: one of us made a mistake and I'm open to peaceful resolution
- **thank you**: I inconvenienced you and I appreciate your grace
- **I apologize**: I harmed you, I don't excuse it, I've taken steps to change,
  and I want to repair the damage

---

> My parakeet lost its eye-patch again.
>
> **How unfortunate...**

> The burrito disintegrated while I was driving.
>
> **I feel you.**

> Why is there a cowboy hat in the freezer?
>
> **Whoops!**

> What took you so long?
>
> **Thank you so much for your patience -- I had an unexpected fecal event.**

> You killed my turtle!
>
> **Yeah, my bad. I shouldn't have let it eat that entire calzone. To prevent
> this from happening again, I registered for a 10-week course on animal
> nutrition. Augustus was irreplacable, but if you'd like, I can help you adopt
> two new turtles named Barbara and Carol.**