# How To Win Titular Metagames

[Attention is your scarcest resource](https://www.benkuhn.net/attention);
considerate creators respect your attention. Good titles help internet curators
efficiently route information to relevant aggregators. Good titles permit
readers to quickly estimate the relative value of articles, essays, videos, etc.
Everybody wins when titles are accurate.

This is how I title my essays.

[^note]: These concepts also apply to book covers, video thumbnails, etc.

Notice the title. It's not "How I Choose Titles for My Essays". No, no, you
wouldn't have clicked on that title.

Here's the dilemma: I want you to read this, but I mustn't produce (or promote)
misleading [clickbait](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clickbait).

[^note]: Don't ask me why I want you to read this. My blog earns negative
    dollars and dubious street credit. I am clearly an
    [insane person](https://www.reddit.com/r/slatestarcodex/comments/9rvroo/most_of_what_you_read_on_the_internet_is_written/).

A proper title (1) spreads information to those who would benefit (2) without
wasting anybody's time.

## Quantifying Clickbait

"Clickbait" is a relation between title, article, and reader.

Titling is a
[binary classifier](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Binary_classification). We can
model this relationship in a
[confusion matrix](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confusion_matrix):

| \[total pop\]    |                          likes title                           |                         dislikes title                         |
| ---------------- | :------------------------------------------------------------: | :------------------------------------------------------------: |
| likes content    |  [true positive](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/True_positive)  | [false negative](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/False_negative) |
| dislikes content | [false positive](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/False_positive) |  [true negative](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/True_negative)  |

We can also model clickbait as an epidemic. Let's call it "influenca". Here's
one way to estimate a title's
[basic reproduction number](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Basic_reproduction_number)
("R-value"):

R₀ = β / γ

- **β** _(transmission rate)_ ≈
  `(shares + comments) / (viewers × exposed users)`
- **γ** _(recovery rate)_ = `1 / D`, where `D` is days until interest fades

If R₀ > 1, the title spreads virally; if R₀ < 1, it fizzles out.

[^note]: I wish I had more time to develop how these mathematical models
    interact,
    [but alas. The rats.](https://bsky.app/profile/taylor.town/post/3m5bp3rg5ks2j)

In this framework, a good title (1) transmits its content to as many people as
possible (2) without incurring false classifications.

[^note]: Some folks try to maximize reproduction regardless of false
    classifications. These people are scoundrels. They poison our communication
    channels with spam. _Ethical_ titles accurately represent content that
    reduces suffering.

## How Titles Spread

Titles spread three ways:

1. **News:** e.g. Reddit, X, LinkedIn, HN, search engines, newsletters, etc.
2. **DMs:** e.g. "you might enjoy this", "this study shows ...", "maybe we
   should try ...", etc.
3. **Content:** e.g. linking citation, providing context, podcast notes, riffing
   on a joke, etc.

Good titles are
[pointers](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pointer_(computer_programming)) to a
[latent space](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Latent_space). The latent space is
vast, but titles act as coordinates in the collective consciousness. Say
["shape rotator"](https://www.reddit.com/r/SneerClub/comments/slihjl/the_latest_techbrorationalist_nonsense_wordcels/)
to someone who knows, and you invoke the whole essay.

Titular pointers follow different lifecycles than their referents:

1. **News:** People (and algorithms) who share/cross-post links often skim (or
   skip) the main content. Moderators (and algorithms) often curate these news
   feeds based on headlines. And yet other people (and algorithms)
   upvote/downvote/comment solely based on those titles.
2. **DMs:** People often share headlines because a title's _claim_
   confirms/disconfirms some shared knowledge. For example, I would eagerly
   share "Gremlins 2 Voted Greatest Film Of All Time" with my friends to remind
   them of the enduring legacy of the Gremlins franchise. In such scenarios, the
   headline acts as an invitation for discussion -- neither sender nor recipient
   need to open the linked webpage.
3. **Content:** Great headlines point to great ideas. In real-life human
   conversations, I have said that
   ["you can't reach the brain through the ears"](https://www.experimental-history.com/p/you-cant-reach-the-brain-through)
   and ["there's no speed limit"](https://sive.rs/kimo) and
   ["attention is your scarcest resource"](https://www.benkuhn.net/attention/)
   and ["don't shave that yak"](https://seths.blog/2005/03/dont_shave_that/). In
   this way, a title develops a life far beyond its intended usage, while its
   original content remains stable (and searchable) forever and ever, amen.

These pointers themselves become data; headlines often propagate without regard
for the quality of their referents. This machinery creates perverse incentives.

## The Titular Metagame

The Buzzfeed-esque clickbait/thumbnail metagame continues to tempt
creators/publishers toward short-sighted sensationalist headlines. It's tiresome
-- titles can be so fun, so wonderful, so powerful.

[^note]: If you convert humanity's precious attention into pennies, I will
    forever resent you for polluting this wonderful world.

But yes, you can totally prey on human bias. Enjoy that race-to-the-bottom, you
fool.

We eventually grow immune to yesteryear's influenca. Some of these headlines
might evoke a visceral autoimmune response:

- _What This 19-Year-Old Knows About Headlines_
- _Scientists Discover the Clickbait Formula (It's Not What You Think)_
- _I Tried Writing Honest Headlines for 30 Days. What happened._
- _This ONE WEIRD TRICK Gets a Trillion Clicks_
- _The Surprising Reason Boring Headlines Actually Win_
- _J.R.R. Tolkien's Magic Headline Formula_
- _We Need to Talk About This Headline You Just Clicked On_
- _This Is Clickbait. But Here's Why It Works._

If you publish media in this world, I invite you to reject parasitism. Choose
symbiosis. It is not a choice you make just once -- it is something you choose
again and again, whenever you share information.

[^note]: If you browse [my archive of essays](https://taylor.town), you'll
    discover that I am indeed a repeat clickbait offender. It's flagrant
    hypocrisy. Self-awareness does not excuse my past or future behavior. In
    this essay, I'm processing my shame here and trying to transmute it into
    real human flourishing. This is my best; it's all I can offer.

## Titling Tips

Some patterns that work:

- **Makes a strong claim**: e.g.
  [Huel is Fine](https://thebsdetector.substack.com/p/huel-is-fine),
  [We can and should domesticate racoons](https://www.oliviali.me/writing/raccoons),
  [Maybe you're not actually trying](https://usefulfictions.substack.com/p/maybe-youre-not-actually-trying),
  [A blog post is a very long and complex search query to find fascinating people and make them route interesting stuff to your inbox](https://www.henrikkarlsson.xyz/p/search-query),
  [Spaced repetition can lower the stakes around destructive inbox-maintenance operations](https://notes.andymatuschak.org/Spaced_repetition_can_lower_the_stakes_around_destructive_inbox-maintenance_operations)
- **Plays with words/grammar/punctuation:** e.g.
  [Getting Away from Already Being Pretty Much Away from It All](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Supposedly_Fun_Thing_I%27ll_Never_Do_Again),
  [AI is bad/good actually](https://www.todepond.com/wikiblogarden/better-computing/worse-computing/artificial-intelligence/bad/good/),
  [Skittle Factory Dementia Monkey Titty Monetization](https://parakeet.substack.com/p/skittle-factory-dementia-monkey-titty),
  [America against china against america](https://jasmi.news/p/china-2025),
  [Lady Tasting Brine](https://slimemoldtimemold.com/2024/02/03/lady-tasting-brine/),
  [No Retvrn](https://asteriskmag.com/issues/11/no-retvrn)
- **Juxtaposes:** e.g.
  [Disneyland with the Death Penalty](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disneyland_with_the_Death_Penalty),
  [Scratch 'n' Sniff Stickers and the Indianapolis 500](https://nerdfighteria.info/v/628856673/),
  [Race in _My Little Pony_](https://gwern.net/mlp-genetics),
  [Moai in Video Games](https://moai.games),
  [Magnets and Garlic](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/17496977.2019.1648924),
  [Tracing the history of "Asian" Barbie](https://kkasulis.wordpress.com/2016/02/01/tracing-the-history-of-asian-barbie/)
- **Invents vocabulary/phrase/system:** e.g. [No S Diet](https://nosdiet.com),
  [Impureim sandwich](https://blog.ploeh.dk/2020/03/02/impureim-sandwich/),
  [Give Up Seventy Percent Of The Way Through The Hyperstitious Slur Cascade](https://www.astralcodexten.com/p/give-up-seventy-percent-of-the-way),
  [Breaching the Trust Thermocline Is the Biggest Hidden Risk in Business](https://every.to/p/breaching-the-trust-thermocline-is-the-biggest-hidden-risk-in-business),
  [Opinion Detox](https://joshuawood.net/detox),
  [Don't specialize, hybridize](https://stephango.com/hybridize),
  [Arsebestos](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Some_Remarks),
  [Cyborgs vs rooms](https://interconnected.org/home/2025/10/13/dichotomy),

Additional tips:

- **Commit to one title.** Don't sneak a subtitle via a colon or hyphen, e.g.
  "Lorem Ipsum: Sit Dolor Amet".
- **Don't confuse punchlines and headlines.** A title must stand on its own.
- **Differentiate from comparables.** If your title sounds like a thousand
  others, add a distinguishing word. _Javascript Tutorial_ is noise; _Confucian
  Javascript Tutorial_ is signal.
- **Don't riff on famous titles.** Patterns like "What I Talk About When I Talk
  About X" and "X Considered Harmful" are cliché. They relay "couldn't think of
  my own title" energy to potential readers.
- **Be almost too specific.** Vague titles aren't mysterious -- they're
  unremarkable. "I Did Something Cool Today" invites skepticism. "I Learned to
  Backflip Today" invites curiosity.

## This Titular Metagame

To find an essay's [true name](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/True_name) is to
find its core narrative thread. I often know an essay's headline before its
first sentence has been conceived; it's natural when I'm trying to explain a
singular claim or coinable phrase. But sometimes I "finish" an essay, start
choosing a title, and then realize I actually need to cut 60% of the damn thing.

This is how this essay's title evolved:

1. _How to title media_
2. _How I title my essays_
3. _Write better headlines_
4. _Universal clickbait theory_
5. _On influenca_
6. _The clickbait meta evolves yet_
7. _We are vulnerable to advanced clickbait_
8. _This is how this essay's title evolved_
9. _How to win titular metagames_

Here I tried to select an ethical headline that would (1) pique your interest
(2) without wasting your time. I hope I delivered the titular goods. Thank you
for reading.