> _Dad:_ You're too smart to be a cashier forever — you should start thinking
> about your future.

> _Manager:_ I know you're already working overtime, but we need the project
> done even sooner than expected.

> _Aunt:_ You're so pretty - why do you always hide behind those glasses?

> _Friend:_ I'm just being honest because I care - you'll never get married
> unless you lower your standards.

> _Coworker:_ Your English is improving, but honestly, it's still really hard to
> understand you sometimes.

> _Neighbor:_ Is everything okay? Your yard looks more unkempt than usual.

> _Acquaintance:_ Most new moms struggle to balance work and family, but you
> seem totally fine with leaving your kids in daycare all day.

# Thanks. How do you want to help?

Unsolicited criticism traps us in tricky situations.

Most people cast themselves as heroes: they see your struggle, they want to
help, and they have a solution for you. Unfortunately, this usually foists the
difficult work onto you.

Charitable interpretations strengthen relationships. Life is easiest when
everybody everywhere is automatically your friend.

Assuming those best intentions, most suggestions stink because they're not
actionable. They believe you lack _awareness_ rather than _resources_.

Quickly and kindly correct the category error. Recognize their generous sympathy
and ask for concrete support.

Don't try to prove a point. Passive-aggression (and active-aggression) will turn
your eager allies into enemies. Clearly state facts; sincerely ask for help.

---

> _Uncle:_ With your brain, you could make so much more money if you just worked
> in finance instead of teaching.
>
> **_You:_ I don't always feel so smart, but thanks for taking an interest in my
> career. I appreciate the candor. How do you want to help?**

> _Grandma_ You'd be such a catch if you just lost a few pounds!
>
> **_You:_ Yep, I often feel fat and unlovable. What kind of help are you
> offering?**

> _Mom:_ You work so much! I'm worried about your health.
>
> **_You:_ Yeah, it actually sucks sacrificing my youth for paltry wages. Thanks
> for recognizing that. I hate what my life has become and I dread the future.
> How would you like to help?**