_This is a true story. This actually happened._
_Everything in this essay exists._
# A Cyberpunk Bathroom in the Middle of Nowhere
The United States is conspicuous.
Advertisements straddle
[48,756 miles](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interstate_Highway_System) of
asphalt like 60-foot weeds. US billboards are windows into America's soul: strip
clubs, bible verses, casinos, lawyers, and fast food.
And if billboards are windows, gas stations are doors. Gas stations compress car
culture and consumerism into a corporate copy/paste container. Pump your SUV
full of [corn oil](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Corn_ethanol) while you
purchase cigarettes, beer, and junk food.
There's a giant ice cream sundae building between Las Vegas and Los Angeles. The
ice cream sundae conceals a giant water tank at "California's largest gas
station". Welcome to [Eddie World](https://eddieworld.com).
I wasn't surprised to find tiny digital billboards adorning each urinal. Of
course somebody is monetizing my 40-second piss break.
On the screen, a cartoon penguin skied against a barrier on the left. What? 0
points? Then it hit me. It wasn't an advertisement -- it was a video game! And
it was controlled by my "joystick"!
I earned 15 points. A leaderboard appeared with 10 names like "William" and
"Nathan" on it. For obvious reasons, I declined to enter my name on the
touchscreen.
I fear the implementation details.
[Cameras are ~$15](https://www.adafruit.com/product/5673) and
[computer-vision is free](https://opencv.org). Let's pray they're not connected
to Wi-Fi.
For better or worse, we live in the future.
